Out of Darkness Shines the Light


(let the silliness of the season commence!)

Happy Yuletide everyone!  I’m just drinking some hot chocolate out of a penguin cup as you do on the longest night of the year.

The past week I’ve been heavy in thought.  I’ve been highly introspective and analyzing the root of all of my insecurities and baggage.  Yeah, talk about a heavy undertaking and around the holidays, too!  Why do I do such things to myself?  Lol!  For some reason, I feel this compulsion; an impetus to purge all my issues… if that makes any sense.  Anyway, getting to the core and letting go of what holds me back will be awesome in the long run.  Perhaps the mental discomfort and emotional discontent are just symptoms of my transformation; I’ll get through this and emerge as a kick-ass butterfly.  At least one can hope.  Just like the winter solstice, it’s death of the darkness to give birth to the light.  Looking forward to a brighter 2017 indeed.  My low self esteem and old childhood wounds are still a recurring theme even after all of these years.  So frustrating.  So at this time, I’m trying to keep in mind to be gentle with myself and not to be such a perfectionist.  I have been improving and honing myself over the decades and a bad day(s) does not equate failure.  Yes, my super ego is an asshole, lol.  I need to give it love even when it’s “saying” such horrible things.  And that’s the big goal of the coming year… show love to everyone… no matter what.  Easier said than done indeed… it’s instinctual to react to hostility with hostility, and hurtfulness with defensiveness.  Hard to remember that this 3rd dimensional drama on this blue sphere is just an illusion.  At our essence, we are beings of love and light, not our physical form, and not the pain (and reactions to such pain) we’ve gathered in our lives.  So not only do I want to view people as loving beings that are merely bogged down by the illusions of “reality”, but I need to be gentle with MYSELF and view MYSELF as a light being having a human experience as well.  At least that’s the plan, lol.  Like most things in life, it’s a work in progress.

So what about you, lovely people out there?  What darkness are you carrying around?  Where in your life could you show compassion… to others AND yourself?  Time to accept our pain and darkness and love ourselves through it… for the light is about to get brighter!

Happy Yule!  And have a Happy Holiday of your choosing.  Enjoy a cup of cheer and look forward to an even better new year!



Much Ado About Drawing

Hello friends of art and friends of heart…

The past week has been strange… mainly dealing with various health conditions I have.  BUT, when it comes to art, there has been only one topic on my mind:  drawing.   Recently, I’ve been going through old sketchbooks of mine to organize all of my 5.5 x 8.5 drawings into display binders.  I’ve also been spray fixing drawings that were never sprayed.  A word of advice, ALWAYS SPRAY YOUR DRAWINGS ASAP!  Some are, unfortunately, a smeary mess.  So, I’m spraying and organizing, but also keeping in mind that I’ve been wanting to post some of my sketches on my blog for awhile now.  I have no idea why I hadn’t done this earlier.  Seriously, life drawing is my strongest talent out of the various media I create in.  Oh well, better late than never.

(also sorry about the quality of these pics; I don’t have access to a scanner)
















Obviously, besides drawing people in general, my passion is drawing musicians as they play.  Yes, this is my absolute favorite!  I love music anyway, but drawing as it’s being performed transports me into a unique moment of awesomeness.  I get zoned out into art mode, so instead of paying super attention to the words or the performers, I FEEL the music.  It’s as if I’m rendering the musician, the music pouring out of them, the energy, and their soul all at the same time.  Best thing in the world indeed!  Recently, I’ve mainly had the opportunity to draw patrons of a hookah bar my friends and I frequent.  I don’t smoke, but chill out in the moment when I put pencil to page.  I get to see bands here and there, but not nearly as much as I used to years back.  It is what it is.  Hopefully when my health and energy improves, I can get out to venues again.

A cool drawing opportunity coming up is happening this Thursday.  An acquaintance of mine runs a Transgender Community Group. (I totally forget the name!  I’ll have to “plug” them later, lol).  They have an annual Christmas party that’s apparently an absolute blast.  I’m donating my talents for the evening and doing small portraits of the guests.  I’ve never done live drawing as a feature of an event before, but I’m super exited!  Also, I can’t wait to meet the guests and give them a little a gift of support in seeing themselves as they wish to be presented.  I’ve been told that a good portion of the group is not open about their gender identity outside the safety of the events this organization presents, so I feel honored to be able to contribute what talents and time I can to support them.

And yet, this is another reason to have my display binders ready, ha ha ha.  It would be nice to show more examples of my work (seriously I have hundreds of drawings… the majority of which still need to sprayed, ugh!)  And my ramblings come full circle to the non-fun responsibilities of art life, lol.

But yes, drawing, drawing, drawing!  And I finally posted some of my sketches as promised.

Next time I’ll share some of my abstract portraiture…

Until then, may art fill your heart ’til joy comes out.  (I really wished “out” rhymed with “art”.  Just pretend it does, lol!)

Poem About a Park

I’ve been going through a pile of papers today… mainly consisting of old ideas, drawings, and thoughts scribbled down for later use. While organizing and purging said pile, I came upon a poem/ prose/ whatever I wrote during the end of Summer/ beginning of Fall of this year.  I actually like it, lol!  So here you all go…

Branches of elk horn and velvet leaves sprouted before I was born; when the park was more raw and without pristine bike paths.  Playgrounds of ergonomic safety built upon the backs of their steel predecessors; whose bars would burn your hands in the summer sun.  How our parents never questioned those metal dinosaurs, that is, if they were there.  Roaming free from the house is something these children will never know.  Like me with book straps and penny candy, it’s such an old fashioned notion.  Freedom seems to be these days.

Positive Highlights During a Crazy Ass 2016

Wow, it’s December!

2016 has gone by quickly, and simultaneously can’t be over soon enough!  There’s been a lot of crazy crap happening this year for many, it seems, and tensions are high.

But let’s forget about that for a bit…

Think of something that makes you happy, something that you enjoy doing, something makes you smile… anything that has shone some light for you during this challenging year.

I’ll go first 😉

I’m so thankful and appreciative for the friends and family in my life, my PTSD fading out and being practically non-existent the past few months, having the opportunities to be more social and meeting new people, creating art and bringing my sketchbook with me as a habit again, and thinking more positively in general.  I’m grateful for where I am and how I’m feeling.  I am so very happy and looking forward to what’s next for me.

So how about you, my lovelies?  What gives you joy, excitement, and appreciation?  Let’s share a moment together as fellow inhabitants of the Big Blue Ball Drama.  (And yes, I have some joke about blue balls in my head right now because that’s how my mind works.  I know have a problem, but I enjoy it way too much.  Anyway, I was talking about positivity and stuff…)

I spread love and joy to you all… via the inter-webs 😉

(and drawings to be posted soon, I promise!)