Doing a Happy Dance

I’m not usually one that toots their own horn, but there are positive things happening in my life right now that I’m so very happy and grateful for that I feel the need to share.

Despite having PCOS (which causes higher sugar levels and cholesterol issues (among other problems) and a hereditary predisposition to high cholesterol…
I am no longer pre-diabetic! My sugar levels are normal!!!
My “good” and “bad” cholesterol levels are now normal as well!!!!

Yes, I have other health problems that I’m still working on with my doctor, but these 2 things are awesome and an indication that my lifestyle changes are paying off. ¬†I’m so excited and surprised ūüôā


I have been creating many larger drawings in the past few weeks. ¬†I have rendered¬†works in this style before, but haven’t in quite some time (2 years I think- yikes!). ¬†They also make me happy. ¬†Like most artists, I don’t always like my creations and often times am not confident in my abilities. ¬†When they say that ‘the artist is their own worst critic’, they are very much correct. ¬†So, for me to be happy with something that I’ve made is a good thing indeed. But anyway new artwork to share…






So my lovelies… what makes you happy? ¬†What are you grateful and appreciative for? ¬†Yes, world events are pretty bleak, and it is hard for many (myself included) to stay hopeful and positive right now. ¬†So, it is important now more than ever to be aware of the things that are going well for you and hold on to that feeling. ¬†Let those positive chunks of your life fuel your day. ¬†It’s those bleak times, when many have lost hope, that we need those who are strong in their optimism to help others up.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day of awesome ūüôā


Out of Darkness Shines the Light


(let the silliness of the season commence!)

Happy Yuletide everyone! ¬†I’m just drinking some hot chocolate out of a penguin cup as you do on the longest night of the year.

The past week I’ve been heavy in thought. ¬†I’ve been highly introspective and analyzing the root of all of my insecurities and baggage. ¬†Yeah, talk about a heavy undertaking and around the holidays, too! ¬†Why do I do such things to myself? ¬†Lol! ¬†For some reason, I feel this compulsion; an impetus to purge all my issues… if that makes any sense. ¬†Anyway, getting to the core and letting go of what holds me back will be awesome in the long run. ¬†Perhaps the mental discomfort and emotional discontent are just symptoms of my transformation; I’ll get through this and emerge as a kick-ass butterfly. ¬†At least one can hope. ¬†Just like the winter solstice, it’s death of the darkness to give birth to the light. ¬†Looking forward to a brighter 2017 indeed. ¬†My low self esteem and old childhood wounds are still a recurring theme even after all of these years. ¬†So frustrating. ¬†So at this time, I’m trying to keep in mind to be gentle with myself and not to be such a perfectionist. ¬†I have been improving and honing myself over the decades and a bad day(s) does not equate failure. ¬†Yes, my super ego is an asshole, lol. ¬†I need to give it love even when it’s “saying” such horrible things. ¬†And that’s the big goal of the coming year… show love to everyone… no matter what. ¬†Easier said than done indeed… it’s instinctual to react to hostility with hostility, and hurtfulness with defensiveness. ¬†Hard to remember that this 3rd dimensional drama on this blue sphere is just an illusion. ¬†At our essence, we are beings of love and light, not our physical form, and not the pain (and reactions to such pain) we’ve gathered in our lives. ¬†So not only do I want to view people as loving beings that are merely bogged down by the illusions of “reality”, but I need to be gentle with MYSELF and view MYSELF as a light being having a human experience as well. ¬†At least that’s the plan, lol. ¬†Like most things in life, it’s a work in progress.

So what about you, lovely people out there? ¬†What darkness are you carrying around? ¬†Where in your life could you show compassion… to others AND yourself? ¬†Time to accept our pain and darkness and love ourselves through it… for the light is about to get brighter!

Happy Yule!  And have a Happy Holiday of your choosing.  Enjoy a cup of cheer and look forward to an even better new year!


Positive Highlights During a Crazy Ass 2016

Wow, it’s December!

2016 has gone by quickly, and simultaneously can’t be over soon enough! ¬†There’s been a lot of crazy crap happening this year for many, it seems, and tensions are high.

But let’s forget about that for a bit…

Think of something that makes you happy, something that you enjoy doing, something makes you smile… anything that has shone some light for you during this challenging year.

I’ll go first ūüėČ

I’m so thankful and appreciative for the friends and family in my life, my PTSD fading out and being practically non-existent the past few months, having the opportunities to be more social and meeting new people, creating art and bringing my sketchbook with me as a habit again, and thinking more positively in general. ¬†I’m grateful for where I am and how I’m feeling. ¬†I am so very happy and looking forward to what’s next for me.

So how about you, my lovelies? ¬†What gives you joy, excitement, and appreciation? ¬†Let’s share a moment together as fellow inhabitants of the Big Blue Ball Drama. ¬†(And yes, I have some joke about blue balls in my head right now because that’s how my mind works. ¬†I know have a problem, but I enjoy it way too much. ¬†Anyway, I was talking about positivity and stuff…)

I spread love and joy to you all… via the inter-webs ūüėČ

(and drawings to be posted soon, I promise!)


Out of the Ashes Once More


So it’s been about 2 years since I’ve written.


Many changes have occurred during that time, of course…¬†ups and downs, new drawings, a new job, stressful new work schedule, an art showing, relationship changes, surgery, a renewed sense of self, a situation that derailed my progress and brought back my PTSD symptoms…

2016 was a hell of a year. My PTSD had taken hold so strongly. ¬†My existence pretty much consisted of staying alive and trying not to let on how scared and hurting I was… to appear to be “normal”. ¬†Also, I was coming to terms that my trauma was from more than just mental and emotional abuse, that there were reasons I would be triggered during intimacy and that sexual situations I normally would enjoy, now filled me with fear.

Anyway, I’m not writing to focus on the pain, but upon my journey since. So much inner work, insights, and alternative healing methods led me¬†out of that dark period (alternative healing methods were sought after several months of not being able to see a counselor¬†– yay for the American health system!). I am so amazed and grateful to be my own sparkly self again. ¬†I became social, more trusting, and confident. I was creating art again, reconnected with my psychic abilities, and gained clarity on what I wanted my future to look like.

So here I am at the end of November 2016 and this phoenix is soaring high. ¬†I’m filled with ideas, ambitions, and hopes to explore… one being this blog. ¬†The past few months of healing has made me ponder on ways to make this world a better place and how to spread joy. ¬†I also came to the notion that I should share my insights during my journey and happiness projects I wish to execute, in case it would help or inspire others.

My future goals:

~Create art and actually PROMOTE it. ¬†Like most artists, I’m clueless about marketing my talents. ¬†This was brought to light again just¬†recently when I was doing a live drawing at a hookah bar, and an acquaintance exclaimed “How are you not making any money off of this”?!?!

~Compose music, re-teach myself how to play the piano, and record music.  Music used to be such an important part of my life. Not only do I want to create in this medium again, but I also wish to SHARE IT WITH OTHERS.

~Spread joy! To put into action all those kindness ideas I’ve had for so long AND GET OTHERS INVOLVED. Make love and compassion a trend ūüôā

~Write and share my poetry and my thoughts about life in general.

So this is me at this moment in time… being a silly¬†unicorn fairy goddess again and ready to create my reality… and taking all of you lovely people with me for the ride ūüėČ

Sacred Water

Primordial Queues… aka: Dinosaurs on FIRE!!!!

It has been awhile since my last post. ¬†I had many life distractions indeed, but none I’ll go on about now… perhaps another post. ¬†But during this time of distraction, ¬†I did manage to work on a new painting; a painting that contains different imagery than my usual choice of ¬†subject matter.



So, how did I come to create a piece which contains dinosaurs on fire, ghost people thingies, and a meteor?  The journey ultimately begins with a blank canvass.  Then I dripped watery paint down it and splattered pigment across it.  I had magenta, orange and gold.  Then a weird sea of blue and black.  At this point there was no plan or method to my madness, just color and chaos.


After I let it dry and looked at it with fresh eyes, both my roommate and I exclaimed at the same time… “it needs a dinosaur!” ¬†There was a lava-like quality to the “sky” ¬†And the flecks of gold in the weird “sea” looked like figures… like ghosty soul people. ¬†So that was the direction the painting was taking me.



I liked my T-Rex so far, but the dark outline around the people was too dark.  Silver would give the figures their ghostiness back, AND the black was a good primer on which to place the silver paint.  Win- win!  Also, the T-Rex seemed to be walking on air, so I made some prehistoric terrain.



But the painting still needed something. ¬†Also, what was going on in this scene? ¬†The sky is ablaze… this is the end days for the age of dinosaurs… human figures are walking out of the primordial ocean in eagerness to take their place as the new dominate species. ¬†So the dino- apocalypse it became. ¬†I gave the T-rex some friends and added more lava.




The new washes of “lava and fire” took some of the dinosaurs’ pigment away. ¬†I needed to define them more; especially the sad little one on the right dying near the rocks. ¬†I also layered more gold on because you can never have enough gold paint in my opinion.



This was rocking along indeed, but still was missing something. ¬†The upper left corner felt neglected, but I couldn’t think of what it needed. ¬†Seriously it was a depiction of the fall of the dinosaurs and METEOR hadn’t entered my mind yet! ¬†The top left almost had a pterodactyl on fire for real, lol! ¬†Again, my roommate gave me the fresh pair of eyes I needed and saw the obvious lack of meteorites.


And here we are back to the finished painting…. dinosaurs dying in the landscape of fire and meteoric doom, while the spirits of the human race wait with baited breath for their turn to rule the blue planet… their turn in queue.

Tales of My Personal Art History 3: Subconscious Journeys

In the fall of 2013, I began to feel much better mentally & emotionally; going to counseling had helped repair my trauma, my self esteem had improved, and there was love in my heart again. ¬†I started painting a Christmas gift; a gift that wouldn’t be ready until a couple months after and would stall any other creativity until it was completed. ¬†But that project is a post for another day…


So 2014 has been an interesting year thus far for not just me, but my artwork as well. ¬†I took my exploration of color and kinetic line (like in my Portal Paintings), and added form. ¬†These pieces started off as abstracts with no plan; just allowing color and line flow freely. ¬†I experimented with heavy washes of paint that would drip down the canvass, splashes of pigment that I flicked off my brush, and thick strokes of color. ¬†But, it was in this unplanned chaos of paint that I saw figures, faces, landscapes, and creatures. ¬†And then, I drew these shapes out. ¬†I really didn’t know what direction the paintings would take; I just put more detail in the figures I saw peeking out of the blur of colors. ¬†Was I tapping into my subconscious? ¬†Or was I channeling information out of the ether? ¬†I’m not sure. ¬†I do know that I enjoyed being pleasantly surprised during the entire¬†process.



You are Loved ~ 2014 ~ acrylic on canvass ~ 24 x 24

(This painting is actual A LOT more turquoise colored than the photo suggests. ¬†Actually, the photos I have currently are admittedly pretty crappy, ¬†but I am using what resources I have at the moment. ¬†In future, I’d hope to have professionally photographed images to display, but there is a reason the term “starving artist” exists, unfortunately)

This painting started out as a swirl of pthalo blue and turquoise hues… and then I saw a face and drew it out…



I saw another face that became the ‘guardian angel’ type figure and then saw the faces of the little demon guys, and so forth… ¬†I began to see this scene playing out of someone with depression or another sort of mental anguish being plagued with those inner negative thoughts. ¬†If you’ve ever suffered from depression or similar mental illness, you know that the pain of the mind and/or soul can be so much worse than the pain of the body. ¬†It is more than “being really sad”; more than something that merely thinking positively would cure. ¬†The horrible thoughts running through your head and the negative perceptions they cause can feel like being under a curse or being tormented by malevolent creatures. ¬†This painting became an outlet for my own experience with clinical depression and anxiety disorder. ¬†The thoughts and perceptions one can¬†have in that moment are not real or logical, but they feel like the ABSOLUTE TRUTH- that everyone DOES hate you or you really ARE this horrible person. ¬†It is only after you come out of the depression that you can begin to see how false your¬†perceptions were.

In this painting, there is this ‘being of love’ or ‘guardian angel’ bringing in a calming energy… dispelling the demons… letting the person know that what he’s thinking and feeling does not represent the truth, for he IS loved. ¬†The words I painted are: ¬†“The demons in your mind are NOT¬†real. You are LOVED…¬†and never alone”. ¬†Funny how a painting with no plan turned into a powerful message that mirrored my own experiences.



Sacred Water ~ 2014 ~ acrylic on canvass ~ 40 x 30


I actually started this piece in 2013. ¬†It was start and stop during my healing time and mostly finished, but I didn’t like it. ¬†But, more on THAT later…



I wish I had taken a pic when this painting was an abstract- before I drew out¬†the mountains, waterfall, moon, trees, and unicorn, but hindsight and all. ¬†It was a series of drips and slashes of orange… which you can still see the slashes of “pre-phoenix”¬†in this shot. ¬†In the pattern of drips and slashes I saw this magical scene. ¬†It was I place I have had reoccurring dreams about; the “waterfall place” as I call it. ¬†This realm actually became my sacred space during meditation (hence the title). ¬†And throughout the years, I have learned that others have visited this same place in dreams, astral projection, and meditation. ¬†That’s an interesting phenomena that perhaps will be written more about in the future, but yes, another blog for another day indeed. ¬†But in any case, I was happy to be¬†finally creating a work describing this dreamscape that has been in my mind for years.


Then I added the phoenix… and hated it. ¬†Seriously. ¬†It is common for an artist to be their own worst critic and for the inspiration and drive to flow some moments and in others, stop completely. ¬†So this painting sat and sat in my room. ¬†It may have been 2013 still when I fixed the tail and added talons- I can’t remember. ¬†All I know is I liked the new tail, but hated the talons, ha ha ha. And my painting sat and sat some more. ¬†Finally after finishing “You Are Loved”, I went back to this piece and fixed it to my satisfaction. ¬†Even after that , it took me awhile to warm up to it. ¬†Now I see it as a strong work, but yeah, definitely a lesson in not necessarily trusting my inner critic.



I Am My Own Knight ~ 2014 ~

acrylic & high gloss varnish on canvass ~ 24 x 48

This painting has not been subject to my inner art critic of doom. ¬†I absolutely love it! ¬†I can actually see that this work is good and has potential- seriously that doesn’t always happen, ha ha ha! ¬†Again this one started with drips, slashes, and chaos. ¬†I had this weird, large, white shape in the middle of my canvass, and even though I had no idea where this painting was taking me, I was digging what I was seeing so far. ¬†So at first this big white shape was going to be a scorpion and I was going to go with an astrological theme and call it “Scorpio Rising”. ¬†But there was also something horse-like about it and friends who were around commented that it looked like a white horse. ¬†So, immediately the song “Ride a White Horse” by Goldfrapp popped in my head. ¬†It’s one of my favorite songs in general, but also to sing for karaoke. ¬†But I resisted going that direction at first because of the drug reference… I saw this land as a dreamscape, not a drug trip. ¬†But I added a tiny horse head and started blocking in a rider. ¬†I was seeing that this was a dreamland (people have mentioned that the horse reminds them of Falcor from The Neverending Story, lol). ¬†That this woman/ me was having an awesome dream of riding this mystical horse and being her own knight in shining armor. ¬†And then the concept struck me… this was an artwork of empowerment; a subject that I have been working with in my own life. ¬†That’s right! ¬†She’s her OWN knight! ¬†She’s not waiting around for someone to make her dreams come true, but making those dreams a reality herself! ¬†I am woman- hear me roar! ¬†Feminism not withstanding, I love the dream-like quality and color scheme. ¬†This really is one of my favorite paintings I’ve created thus far.


So this the path I’m currently on. ¬†I have started a new painting this week, that started out drippy, but I have a feeling it will have figures soon. ¬†Maybe I’ll add a dinosaur… yeah, dinosaurs kick ass!

Tales of My Personal Art History 2: Goddess Paintings

I moved to Austin, TX in the spring of 2013, and it was definitely a time of adjustment and healing for me. ¬†I mustered up the courage to leave an unhealthy marriage, and a week and a half later I hitched a ride with my best friend who was already moving to Austin. ¬†She needed a travel buddy for a long trip- I needed a change of scenery and a fresh start. ¬†I had packed some clothes, toiletries, artwork, and art supplies because that’s how I roll apparently. ¬†You can read the post I wrote when I first arrived and the one about healing to get a glimpse of that time if you wish. ¬†But soon after,¬†I had stopped writing my blog. ¬†So much had happened in between feeling like a phoenix and posting again the other day. ¬†A lot more healing was needed than I ever imagined and I had struggled with repairing the damage for several months. ¬†My challenge was to rediscover who I was and to “unlock my inner goddess”. ¬†Even though finding inspiration to create was hit and miss, my art became a form of therapy for my soul. ¬†With these next two paintings, I had a blueprint of what I wanted before I stood at my easel. ¬†I had looked to old sketchbooks to rediscover images I had done when I felt whole. ¬†It was fitting that I chose images of powerful and magical women during this time; I time when I was trying to regain my own power. ¬†I may have had a planned composition in mind before I put brush to canvass, but I still let the painting “choose” how it formed. ¬†These works are a combination of free style and formulation.



The Star ~ 2013 ~ acrylic on canvass ~ 30 x 24 


This was originally a doodle on my Galaxy Note


What a difference a change in materials can make! ¬†And on canvass she became more of a powerful celestial figure…. controlling the chaos rather than being captured by it. ¬†The imagery also reminded me of The Star card in a tarot deck, hence the title. ¬†This piece was the first one in which¬†I built up a series of washes and drips in the background; a technique I would continue with later on.



One ~ 2013 ~ acrylic on canvass ~ 24 x 24


Here’s the original idea in my sketchbook:



This shows the difference the change in scale can make. ¬†She did lose the lunar goddess imagery of the original, but I believe she gained something in the painted version. ¬†I’ll explain in just a bit, so bear with me. ¬†I had this original sketch, but still wasn’t sure what direction the painting would ultimately take. ¬†I liked the contrast of the rectangular forms against the curves of her hair and body. ¬†I originally had painted the orbs in her hair to be planets in various bright colors. ¬†But I wasn’t feeling it. ¬†It was only after I painted the shapes white and silver, did it seem to make sense. ¬†She was ONE with the universe; the universal goddess of all. ¬†There was now a feeling of calm that the work radiated. ¬†She evolved from a lunar deity to a cosmic force. ¬†Quite an awesome transformation to inspire me during my personal reconstruction.

So this was my 2nd art period.  A short one perhaps, but part of my artistic and personal journey.

Tales of My Personal Art History: Portal Paintings

While going through my work to get ready for my first art exhibition in Austin, I realized that even in just the 8 paintings I was displaying, they represented 3 periods of my artwork.  I was astonished that I had art periods like a real famous artist person!  How bizarre!

With that said, here is the first group of paintings done 2009- 2011, The Portal Paintings…

I have always felt more comfortable with a pencil, pen, or pastel in my hand than a brush. ¬†Drawing is my background and my major in college (before dropping out). ¬†I feel more in control and love the energy of the lines that can be achieved with a drawing instrument. ¬†2009 – 2011 were significant years for me in which I pushed myself out of my comfort zone in many facets of my life. ¬†As an artist, I went in a different direction by pouring my creativity onto canvass; by experimenting with color and the organic rhythm of lying on pigment with no plan or objective. ¬†I allowed myself to flow. ¬†I call these ‘Portal Paintings’ because not only do I see portal or tunnel shapes in them, they also serve as an opening or doorway to another form of self expression.


The Portal ~ 2009~ Acrylic & high gloss varnish on canvass ~

30 x 40


This was my first attempt of painting a large abstract. ¬†I was just jamming to music (a CD of local punk bands) in “the wee apartment” in Clifton Heights near the University of Cincinnati. ¬†I was just letting my brush travel the canvass; making swirls and undulating shapes. ¬†It was only when I had finished and backed away from the work to get a better look, that I was surprised by the imagery and thought that it looked like a creepy portal to hell, ha ha ha. ¬†At first, this painting wigged me out… I didn’t want evil creatures coming out of my painting while I slept. ¬†Seriously that WAS a thought that crossed my mind even though it is quite ridiculous and illogical. ¬†Later on I came to love this piece; I enjoyed the swirls and spirals, the bright gold against the red and black, and came to see it as energetic and powerful rather than¬†‘creepy’. ¬†I actually view it now as a sort of a dream catcher object that sucks negativity to another dimension. ¬†Ha ha ha, I’m not superstitious AT ALL.



Land of Impossible Dreams ~ 2009 ~ acrylic on canvass ~

36 x 48


This was another painting I created in that wee apartment in Clifton while listening to cd’s of local music. ¬†I wanted to capture a different energy than I had in the previous one. ¬†I liked working on a large scale and this was a huge canvass that I bought at the art store up the street. ¬†I could afford it because of a super 70% off sale. ¬†I also liked the look of the metallic gold against the other colors in my last painting, so decided to use that element again in this painting. ¬†Working large and metallics will be 2 qualities I keep in the future. ¬†But this was in the beginning, before I knew what other worlds I would create.



Down The Rabbit Hole With Rat Pack ~ 2011 ~

acrylic & high gloss varnish on canvass ~ 36 x 36

Mid-summer of 2009, I found myself in the hospital and found that I had health issues of which¬†I was previously unaware. ¬†For many months I adjusted to lifestyle changes and powerful medicine. ¬†I also started dating someone in 2010, so I was a bit distracted from painting indeed. ¬†In 2011, I started my experimentation with large abstracts; now that I was married to the guy I had started dating a year ago. ¬†At this point, I was using my phone and Pandora to supply the soundtrack. ¬†I swirled green about and posted the finished product on Facebook. ¬†Through the many comments, friends were mentioning seeing a martini glass and olive. ¬†One of these friend went farther and came up with the awesome title I ended up keeping. ¬†Yes martinis and old blue eyes (though I’m partial to ‘Dean-O’). Funny thing is, I now see I graffiti-esque “tag” in this painting. ¬†Totally see the word “smores”. ¬†Seriously…



Yonic Blue ~ 2011 ~ acrylic & high gloss varnish on canvass ~

40 x 30


Started out with a nice “TARDIS blue” and then added a portal that was very yonic in symbolism. ¬†Many people ask what the word “yonic” means… it a symbolic representation of the yoni, or the vagina. ¬†It’s odd (but not surprising- grumbles my inner feminist) that regular people have heard the term “phallic symbol” and “phallus” but not the female counterpart. ¬†But that is a rant for another day. ¬†In the meantime, here’s my first abstract with a bit of figurative; a celebration of female sexuality.



Untitled ~ 2011 ~ acrylic & high gloss varnish on canvass ~

36 x 36 (I think) ~ Not For Sale

This one surprisingly didn’t take a long time to complete. ¬† l like the colors created when copper patinas; the teals against the brilliant metallic. ¬†I used this pallet and created a sort of southwestern, but yet alien landscape. ¬†This picture is blurry, but the real article is over a 1000 miles away currently, so no nice pics yet. ¬†This was my mom’s favorite and became her Christmas present in 2012. ¬†She has it displayed prominently with a good view of it from the front door. ¬†Do you think my mom is proud of me? ūüėČ



Untitled ~ 2011 ~ acrylic & high gloss varnish on canvass ~

36 x 36 ~ Not For Sale


I decided to take a different approach. ¬†Instead of a bright colorful background with black circles and spirals, I went with a dark ground with white accents. ¬†There is a nice energy to this one… so nice that I don’t wish to part with it. ¬†In other words: ¬†This one is MINE- you can’t has! ¬†It was also pointed out to me that this piece is very ‘ Gallifreyian’. ¬†If you are a Whovian, no explanation is needed, but contrary to my wishes for the world, there are probably some of you haven’t watched Dr. Who. ¬†*shudder* ¬†The Doctor is an alien from Gallifrey. Their language looks like a bunch of circle shapes kind of like my painting, ¬†but not really. ¬†I guess I was painting in cursive ūüėČ ¬†(Also, be grateful that I was extremely concise in my Dr. Who description, hee hee)




Untitled ~ 2011 ~

acrylic, oil pastel, & high gloss varnish on canvass ~

(don’t remember dimensions) ~ Not For Sale

This is actually my first use of the high gloss varnish that I ended up loving SOOOOOOOO much, I added to some of my previous works. ¬†I used many layers of the varnish in this one and put paint and oil pastel between them. ¬†This was a fun experimentation and an intended birthday gift for a friend of mine. ¬†It was much¬†smaller than most of my paintings, but I can’t remember the exact measurements. ¬†This is very spacey looking one… and apparently looks like the Death Star to some people, ha ha ha.


This post¬†only represents my first period, so more to come! ¬†Also, all works are for sale unless otherwise noted… hint, hint. ¬†If some rich benefactors want to buy my artwork, I would not be offended ūüėČ