Updates and Ponderings

Yes, I still exist, lol!

The past few months, I’ve been dealing with more health issues.  My doctor and allergist have found that I have several strong allergies that are probably the main cause of me feeling so crappy for awhile.  I’ve been taking allergy shots, but until my body acclimates to the shot, I’m even more sensitive to all my allergens, even the weaker ones.  So, for months, I’ve felt tired and weak, can’t go outside the house the majority of the time without a reaction, can’t go to friends’ houses who have pets or smoke without having a reaction, have to avoid all dairy and wheat because apparently I’m allergic and even if my allergy to them is on the low side, the shots could cause me to have a severe reaction…. this is all on top of the actual shot which can cause me to break out in hives. With all of this, I did go into a bout of depression and didn’t even celebrate my birthday, which was in April.

Good news is, I came out of the depression and have had time while feeling poorly to work on healing all my past trauma and baggage.  I’ve also had time to ponder the metaphysical and connect with my higher self.  And so much progress has been made!  Yes, there are still some fears and insecurities that I’m working on, but seriously, I have experienced breakthroughs in my thought processes!  Very exciting.  Also, while building up my self esteem and showing myself compassion, I have realized something important:  I am so much stronger than I had ever thought.  I went through so much emotional and mental pain and not only survived (which is amazing considering how many points in my life I was suicidal), but now have the self awareness to identify how my trauma affects my behavior and I’m working to heal that. My learning to love myself and building my self esteem is helping me feel that I am a capable person and that the things I regret doing towards others in my past and the many goals I had never accomplished were due to me doing the best I could at the time in those circumstances.  I am no longer going to compare my journey to others my age and feel that I have failed.  I can achieve my dreams despite my “late start” or the lack of encouragement from those around me. I am letting go of fear and anger from past abuse, so it no longer has control over me.  So yes, I have done so much inner work and it’s paying off.

Until my allergies are under control and some of my other health woes (like insomnia) are figured out, I am limited in what physical things I can accomplish, but THIS IS NOT PERMANENT.   Things will work out and I can create my own reality while remaining positive and continuing to love and heal myself.

So this is what I’ve been up to since my last post.  Not that people are waiting with baited breath to read my latest exploits (lol), but if someone happens upon my words and it helps them in some way, that would make me happy indeed 🙂

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Doing a Happy Dance

I’m not usually one that toots their own horn, but there are positive things happening in my life right now that I’m so very happy and grateful for that I feel the need to share.

Despite having PCOS (which causes higher sugar levels and cholesterol issues (among other problems) and a hereditary predisposition to high cholesterol…
I am no longer pre-diabetic! My sugar levels are normal!!!
My “good” and “bad” cholesterol levels are now normal as well!!!!

Yes, I have other health problems that I’m still working on with my doctor, but these 2 things are awesome and an indication that my lifestyle changes are paying off.  I’m so excited and surprised 🙂

 

I have been creating many larger drawings in the past few weeks.  I have rendered works in this style before, but haven’t in quite some time (2 years I think- yikes!).  They also make me happy.  Like most artists, I don’t always like my creations and often times am not confident in my abilities.  When they say that ‘the artist is their own worst critic’, they are very much correct.  So, for me to be happy with something that I’ve made is a good thing indeed. But anyway new artwork to share…

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So my lovelies… what makes you happy?  What are you grateful and appreciative for?  Yes, world events are pretty bleak, and it is hard for many (myself included) to stay hopeful and positive right now.  So, it is important now more than ever to be aware of the things that are going well for you and hold on to that feeling.  Let those positive chunks of your life fuel your day.  It’s those bleak times, when many have lost hope, that we need those who are strong in their optimism to help others up.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day of awesome 🙂

New Year of Awesome!

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(a tipsy me during New Year’s Eve)

Hello lovely people who are actually reading this!

I hope everyone had an amazing New Year’s celebration and have a renewed sense of optimism of what 2017 may bring.  For New Year’s Eve, I went to a party over a friend’s house, actually drank alcohol (I have been giving it up and other foods for the sake of my health), played bartender for my friends (I like to do this), played Cards Against Humanity, set off confetti/ streamer poppers, laughed and did other stuff to ring in the new year.

Usually this is the time to set the dreaded “New Year’s Resolution”, but I don’t really have one except for what I have already been striving for in my continuing journey of healing.  I’ve been concentrating on my health and what things help ME be healthy, healing past baggage that’s been holding me back, a manifestation mindset, happiness, and being more of a loving being.  One thing new that I’ve been incorporating into my life this year, is writing down a daily list of positive things that have happened during the day.  Also, I have a goal of setting up a morning routine to keep me focused.  Ok, so I guess I do have a couple resolutions after all, lol!  It’s all good.  Beginnings and milestone dates are always times in which we tend to evaluate our lives, make goals, and decide what we wish would be different; whether it be the new year, the new moon, a big birthday (generally ending with a zero), a new job, a new life status, etc…  And this is a very good thing indeed.  Ok, not so much the beating yourself up for being “not as successful” as others at this age or being “sooooo old”.  That’s not good.  Comparing ourselves to others doesn’t really serve us anyway; it’s comparing ourselves to how we were earlier in our life journey- AND not looking at it with judgement!  The big thing is to hold ourselves accountable without being mean about it.  Feeling guilt, despair, or hopelessness won’t help us make positive changes in our life.  So my unsolicited advice (well honestly, it IS your choice to read my blog or not- just sayin’, ha ha ha!) is to have fun with your goals, improvements, etc…  When joy is present, it is amazing how far we can go and grow.  And yes, this is very much a work in progress for me and I intend not to bully myself if I’m not perfect at this 24/7.  You may think that the previous sentence sounds strange, but seriously self perfection and self loathing have been big struggles throughout my life, so it’s a mindset that’s good for me to have. Now I have the phrase “huggle the struggle” in my mind, LOL!  That actually is a good little mantra and I think I will use that from now on 🙂

So, what about you?  What are things in your life that you’re feeling inspired to change or improve?  What ways can you be kind to yourself while you are learning new thought processes and skills?  What brings you joy?

I hope the first few days of 2017 have been great for you all and here’s to 362 more!

and…

HUGGLE THE STRUGGLE!