Updates and Ponderings

Yes, I still exist, lol!

The past few months, I’ve been dealing with more health issues.  My doctor and allergist have found that I have several strong allergies that are probably the main cause of me feeling so crappy for awhile.  I’ve been taking allergy shots, but until my body acclimates to the shot, I’m even more sensitive to all my allergens, even the weaker ones.  So, for months, I’ve felt tired and weak, can’t go outside the house the majority of the time without a reaction, can’t go to friends’ houses who have pets or smoke without having a reaction, have to avoid all dairy and wheat because apparently I’m allergic and even if my allergy to them is on the low side, the shots could cause me to have a severe reaction…. this is all on top of the actual shot which can cause me to break out in hives. With all of this, I did go into a bout of depression and didn’t even celebrate my birthday, which was in April.

Good news is, I came out of the depression and have had time while feeling poorly to work on healing all my past trauma and baggage.  I’ve also had time to ponder the metaphysical and connect with my higher self.  And so much progress has been made!  Yes, there are still some fears and insecurities that I’m working on, but seriously, I have experienced breakthroughs in my thought processes!  Very exciting.  Also, while building up my self esteem and showing myself compassion, I have realized something important:  I am so much stronger than I had ever thought.  I went through so much emotional and mental pain and not only survived (which is amazing considering how many points in my life I was suicidal), but now have the self awareness to identify how my trauma affects my behavior and I’m working to heal that. My learning to love myself and building my self esteem is helping me feel that I am a capable person and that the things I regret doing towards others in my past and the many goals I had never accomplished were due to me doing the best I could at the time in those circumstances.  I am no longer going to compare my journey to others my age and feel that I have failed.  I can achieve my dreams despite my “late start” or the lack of encouragement from those around me. I am letting go of fear and anger from past abuse, so it no longer has control over me.  So yes, I have done so much inner work and it’s paying off.

Until my allergies are under control and some of my other health woes (like insomnia) are figured out, I am limited in what physical things I can accomplish, but THIS IS NOT PERMANENT.   Things will work out and I can create my own reality while remaining positive and continuing to love and heal myself.

So this is what I’ve been up to since my last post.  Not that people are waiting with baited breath to read my latest exploits (lol), but if someone happens upon my words and it helps them in some way, that would make me happy indeed 🙂